Saturday, April 16, 2011

2.5 yrs later

So much has happened in the 2 years and 10 months he's been with me. So many wonderful moments. So many tragic injustices. So many miracles. 3 months ago, we were forced to move. All the reminders of his past haunted him daily. The school staff made it worse. Instead of creating an IEP that was tailored to his needs, they stuck him in a class that was a one-size-fits-all program. He isn't developmentally delayed; he is afraid and anxious and mistrusting of everyone but me. He'd experienced so much trauma that he fears all adults and views the entire world as unsafe; he began regressing almost the moment school started. They had no clue how to reach him, let alone teach him. Instead, he would hide under tables, have melt downs, and refuse to comply with classroom rules. The school refused to admit there was a problem with how the class was structured. They made it seem as though he was the problem and I was wrong to advocate for him. The school refused to adhere to his doctors' recommendations. I literally begged them to do things differently for him; they ignored me. They were willing to and almost succeeded in destroying him. Unacceptable to me. He deserves better. I got an attorney and tried to fight the school, but he suffered in the meantime. I couldn't allow it to continue. So, we moved. 1300 miles away. And, thank goodness we did. Been here just over 2 months. He's in a class that is designed for kids with high academic ability but who need extra structure and emotional support. In a short time, he's already reading and doing math!!!!! Woohoo!!!! But, emotionally, he's still having major problems just dealing with life. He's older now, so he now knows what was done to him prior to living with me was pretty awful. And, since he's in a class with children that likely have also experienced some sort of trauma, he's constantly being reminded of past events when the other kids act out. This week has been particularly difficult. One of the older kids on the bus took his glasses and teased him. I was furious! Apparently, the boy has been picking on him all week, and there's another boy in his class with whom he flipflops from bullying to being victimized. The school is aware of the problems, and are trying to work on it with him. The staff have completely separated him from the older child and are trying to teach him and improve his self esteem, confidence, and social skills. We'll see how things go next week. Today, he and I went to the library. He was on the library computer, and when his time ran out since the kids are only allowed on for 40 minute intervals, he had a major flip out and began punching me and said F- You to me several times. What would you do in this circumstance? A man came over and said sternly "You need to calm down." This didn't deter him one little bit. I finally got him out of the library - we won't be going back there any time soon - and in the car, during the entire ride home, he kicked my seat and screamed at me saying that he was going to punch me and kick me in the face. Keep in mind, he's only 6. When we got home, he cried and said he was sorry and that he loved me. Then, he began wailing that he hated the people who are had 'raised' him until he was 3 when he was removed and placed in my home. Then, he said they were so mean and he doesn't know why, then he said he hated them again. He was hysterical. I just held him, rubbed his back, and let him rant. He put his little head on my shoulder. Through his sobs he said "I'm sorry Mommy for hitting you. I'm sorry Mommy. I don't know why I do that. I can't control my body. Mommy, I love you." Breaks my heart that he's still in so much pain. I wish I could take it away from him. I wish I knew that one day, the tantrums/fear/rage would end, and he could relax and enjoy just being a little boy. At the end of this month, it"ll be 1 year since I adopted him. Almost 2 years since he last saw 'THEM.' I pray every day that he knows how much he's loved and that, in time, his past won't rule and ruin his present. That one day, all that happened will be just distant, bad memories, and he'll be able to be happy and feel safe within his own skin. I hope with everything that I am that he will feel... Safe and sound. Loved. Happy just being him.

Thursday, April 14, 2011


I like the TV series, Charmed, and I've seen all the episodes at least once. I watch the reruns anyway. I hadn't realized the significance of the storyline when watching them before, but now, I absolutely get it. To anyone unfamiliar with the series, the storyline went like this...

Three sister witches are known as the Charmed Ones, and they battle evil demons in order to save the lives of and keep people safe from evil. The eldest and most powerful sister married a very powerful magical man, and they had a child, Wyatt, who had an enormous, unprecedented, unlimited amount of power. Wyatt is born "good" and begins life in a loving family atmosphere. Chris, Wyatt's younger less powerful brother, returns from the future in order to stop Wyatt from turning evil. According to Chris, Wyatt gets turned evil as a toddler, and as he grows up, he becomes more and more evil, angry, filled with rage. As the most powerful being, Wyatt is successful in destroying almost all that is good in the world, including the sisters. It is believed that an evil demon is behind Wyatt's demise. Several episodes are devoted to identifying which demon is responsible, vanquishing him/her, and removing the threat to their sweet rambunctious untainted little boy. As the storyline unfolds, however, the root of Wyatt's turn to evil is not caused by a demon; a trusted, loved family friend kidnaps and repeatedly tries to kill Wyatt because he fears the child's power. Wyatt's family doesn't even consider this person to be a threat, and thus, they leave Wyatt in his care. Ultimately, it is revealed that what really turns Wyatt evil is the trauma inflicted upon him by the trusted adult who was supposed to take care of him compounded by the family's failure to protect him.

In the series, Wyatt's father rescues him just in time to prevent the trauma from causing irreparable harm. Wyatt doesn't turn evil. For Wyatt, it wasn't too late. Everyone's future was saved. But, in the real world, how many Wyatt's don't get saved or rescued? All children are born innocent and completely dependent on adults to care for them? How many kids are suffering at the hands of those who are supposed to protect them? If they do get saved, is it in time? Can the damage be truly healed? reversed? Does the harm caused by traumatic experiences ever really go away? How deep do the scars go?